my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
