How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
