Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
