i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
