he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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