so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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