Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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