I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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