in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
