I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
