Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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