We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
