so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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