Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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