I feel great
I just peed on a car
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
