My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
