I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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