I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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