I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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