If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
