maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
