my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
