You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
