people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
