I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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