I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
