Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
