We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
