Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
