Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
