Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
