I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You left your phone here
Wait...
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