I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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