batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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