I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I fill condoms, not promises.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
