i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
