Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
