Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
