Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Who died my cat blue again?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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