It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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