Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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