you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
