i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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