Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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