Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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