So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
