last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
