I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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