I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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