5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
