so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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