i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
