I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
