She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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