you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
