apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've blown a few things in my day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
