I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
