and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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