So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
