I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I will pee on everything he values.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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