I hate all girls vehemently.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
