Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
