I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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