I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
