I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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