He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
