Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
