He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
