when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I supernannyed him into submission
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
