She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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