Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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