i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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