We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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